(ORIGINALLY POSTED ON 6/11/14)
“I think it’s cancer.” Those were the words spoken by my surgeon right after my exam; words no one expects or wants to hear. The following week, while I was sitting in my hair stylist’s chair, I received the call with the results of my biopsy to confirm yes…I had breast cancer. I began to shake as fear seized me. Had it spread? Was I going to die? A million things crossed my mind all at once. I left my hair appointment and immediately had to pull the car over. I called my friend Lona and she prayed with me over the phone. I felt a supernatural comfort wash over me that was tangible and real and by the time she said “Amen” I had a peace that was beyond my understanding in a moment when I should have felt nothing but panic. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4:6-7) That verse was never as real to me as it was right then.
As I drove on, I popped in a worship CD a friend had given me and decided my first response to this diagnosis was going to be to worship God. The night before, however, I was in quite the opposite frame of mind. I had fallen apart in my bathroom, holding a folded up towel over my face so I could scream and not wake up my daughter while I begged God over and over “Please! Please don’t let this be cancer! I can’t do this! Please don’t do this God! I’m begging you! Please!!!” I sobbed and sobbed until I had no tears left. I was mad at God. This wasn’t fair. Not now! I was alone and I was terrified. I wanted out. That was my first REACTION and I know God totally got it. He wasn’t surprised or offended. In fact, I know He probably wept right along with me as He sat beside me that night. That is my freedom in relationship with Him. But right then, with my cancer diagnosis confirmed, in spite of the crippling fear and grief, I wanted my first RESPONSE to be to worship Him in the middle of it. Deep breath…
I was shouting out praise to the Lord as I drove down the road – so much so that I knew I had to get out of my car and worship for real. So I pulled into the parking lot of a small country church, turned my car stereo all the way up, got out and stood outside, hands raised, crying and praising Him. I’m sure I looked crazy to people driving by, but I didn’t care. I had to let God know my response. I said YES. Yes, Lord…no matter how hard this is. Yes. It might seem a little silly, but I took a picture of my hand raised against the sky because I wanted to remember that moment. — I noticed a heart shaped cloud to my right – like God letting me know He loved me so much that He’d write it in the sky and that everything was going to be okay. I can’t say all my first reactions to what God brings my way are perfect (far from it), but that Friday, May 30th at 2:30 PM, I felt Him respond to me as I offered my first response to Him in worship.
What is God calling you to do in response to something you’re facing today?
Count it all joy! (James 1:2-4)
– Debi
