I was running around the playground being chased by a little boy who had a crush on me. This was a new thing for me as not many boys liked chubby little 8-year-old girls with stringy blonde hair and awkwardly shy personalities. Delighted, I ran away from him and allowed myself to be caught over and over again, only to break away to continue the chase. As we laughed and ran, we passed by one of the school bullies. I will never forget the feeling when he yelled out to the boy chasing me, “Man! You go for the SCUMS!”
That was one of the first cracks in the vase that represents me and my life. It was something that caused a wound; a tiny crevice where the Enemy began to feed lies into my spirit about not being good enough. He starts when we’re young because over time, those little cracks are his way in to develop gaping wounds as we get older. Offshoots of the original cracks can often become a roadmap of brokenness. For me, this wound began a cycle of trying to fill myself up with people and things to feed my self-esteem - but nothing ever fully satisfied me.
The Lord gave me a picture of a vase with water gushing out of the cracks that were all over it. He showed me that throughout my life, I’ve had experiences and words spoken over me that have caused cracks in my “vase” (me). I tried to fill up my vase with many different things to feel whole. I used relationships and affirmation from people to fill my loneliness and rejection. I used jobs and positions of ministry to make me feel valued and important. But like pouring water into a broken vase, it would quickly leak out and I'd end up feeling even more empty than before. What I didn’t realize is that God wanted to heal and repair all the cracks and brokenness in my life not just to allow me to contain the blessings of a husband, career, family, ministry, etc. - it was so I could first and foremost contain all of HIM. He needed to repair all my woundedness so I could be filled to the top with His presence, goodness, redemption, intimacy, love, grace…all that He is. He wanted to be my everything and satisfy every longing and need in my life. He then showed me a vase that had every crack repaired and it was filled to the top with Living Water. More water was being poured into it - overflowing and bubbling over. He said to me, "When you allow Me to heal and fill you completely, all the blessings I pour out on you will simply be an OVERFLOW from your place of wholeness in Me."
We cannot ever be fully satisfied with anyone or anything until we first allow the Lord to satisfy our every need. He pursues, heals and fills us up so that we are not just full but overflowing with abundant life. This former chubby, stringy-haired, awkwardly shy 8-year-old girl can say this from experience. ;-)
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
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This song took to me to church this week! Be encouraged!